Always pursue your goal and never give up. If someone can talk you out of what you want to be, then you don't to be it. A friend of mine's father, when I was 18, would walk down the street with me and say "What are you crazy?! You want to be Arthur Godfrey? What are you nuts!? Come work at my factory, I'll make you a foreman someday!" And I never gave up.

How do you feel about homelessness?

If you want to do stand up, just do it. Broad City is fun and I'm excited for the second season. Eric Andre is weird and talented and the show is insane and not for everyone . Chozen is one of the easiest jobs that I have in my life. I developed my delivery through trial and error and performing over and over. I will destroy you in NBA 2k14 All is Lost Starring Robert Redford is not a good movie Good comedians to check out Lil B, Don Rickles Michael Che, Jerrod Carmichael, Sean Patton, W. Kamau Bell, Bridget Everett, Nick Vatterott, Jon Laster, Kara Klenk To all of you that didn't have a question and just wanted to say something nice, thank you.

The next rule is “make statements” which is a positive way of saying don’t ask questions all the time … if we’re in a scene and I say “who are you?” or “where are we?” or “what’s in that box?”, I am putting all of the pressure on you to come up with the answers … in other words, whatever the problem, be part of the solution … don’t just sit around raising questions and putting up obstacles.

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

I suppose I am most proud of the fact that I am still here working in comedy and doing what I love. In life there are a lot of forces that can try to bring you down, but if you stick to your vision and keep at it, you will find success.

"Pay attention to what people do, not what they say."

That's why I wrote to you, not to tell you to change anything about the way you do things, but just to tell you to take it easy. Nothing you do matters as much as you think. Your greatest achievements aren't yours at all, they're accidents and jokes. You're a puppet, the universe does the work, and it gets the most done when you're moving the least. Surrender, flow, relax. Don't be hard on yourself, don't put pressure on yourself, life is just a chain of experiments and results, and you'll be perfect when you're dead.

I probably wouldn't tell me shit. I would probably say, "Good luck, bitch!" One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good. You can't know tomorrow, because if you did you would never go about trying to create it the same way. The uncertainty and doubt that fuck with our minds are the same forces that make accomplishments and achievements so fucking amazing when you pull them off. It's almost like life has to suck sometimes to appreciate what's cool. My 20 year old self would have to figure out all this shit the hard way, just like I did. Just like I'm still doing today. If I could go forward in time to when I'm 90 I would probably give the me of t...[Read more]

Q: You seem like the kind of guy that doesn’t give too much of a shit about what anyone thinks. What's your best advice on handling or taking criticism? A: Well, you're wrong. It's kind of the opposite...I only give a shit about what anyone thinks. So much so that I've been through stuff where I had to just face the painful fact that a lot of people aren't going to be predisposed to like me...and that the harder I try to CHANGE that, the less likable I become. At a certain point I think a lot of us make the practical calculation, and say "well, I'm not really getting anywhere trying to justify myself to anyone...and come to think of it, people justifying themselves to me aren't my favorite ...[Read more]

If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)

You know, there's weddings and then there's marriage. Weddings, I think, are the biggest waste of money and emotion that humans participate in their life. Now the marriage, I think, I don't know, all the advice I'm going to give you you're gonna ignore anyway, you know what I mean? It's like a commencement speech. They're all kind of entertaining and we watch them online for a little bit and then we forget it. But I would say, before a wedding? Have fun at your wedding. Don't feel like you have to talk to your friends- I mean to your parent's friends or your in-laws. Just have fun with whoever you're marrying and have good food. You know? That's all people really care about, is food. I mean,...[Read more]

I saw a movie once where Spencer Tracy catches this woman about to kill herself — it's a pretty dark movie for the time — but I forget the name of the movie ["I Take This Woman"], but Spencer Tracy is on a boat and sees a rich, young girl about to throw herself off the boat because her fiance left her for another woman and he's trying to talk her out of suicide and he says to her, "Do you have a job? Do you have anything that you do in your life?" which was a funny thing to ask because she's, like, a 1920s socialite and she said, "No," and he said, "I think you should get a job, because it's very hard to be sad and useful at the same time." Ever since I saw that I keep that in my head. If y...[Read more]

No matter how bad things get, if you make yourself say "thank you for everything just as it is" it makes it better- even if just from making you laugh from the irony

Exercise your right to vote! Whatever you feel drunk, stop, because 18 year olds have a hard time figuring out how much they can drink. Be with a good friend who can make sure you get home safe, and try one new thing on your birthday every year.

I stopped blaming the world for my problems. You can only walk around so long being like, “Chicks, man. They’re psychos.” At some point you realize that you’re the common factor. I wasn’t exactly the easiest person to be around. I’m not the most sane person. But until you sit down and talk to somebody about your issues, they’re foreign to you. I realized I was pretty fucked-up.

The first rule of improvisation is “agree” always agree and say “yes” … when you are improvising this means you are required to agree with whatever your partner has created … so if we’re improvising and I say “freeze I have a gun” and you say “that’s not a gun, it’s your finger” our improvised scene has ground to a halt … now in real life you are obviously not going to agree with everything everyone always says but the “rule of agreement” gets you to at least start from an open minded place … start with a “yes” and see where that takes you … as an improvisor I always find it jarring in real life when I meet someone who’s first answer is “no” …

Decide whether or not being hard on yourself is proactive or completely undermining.

My advice is when you move to a new area, put a rolled up newspaper under your shirt, knock on your neighbors doors and when they open it let them see the bulge under your shirt and tell them "this is what's up now". Then wink and snap your fingers and walk away.

Don't be afraid of life the way I was. Get married, start a family, you'll be fine. I waited way too long to do it and I have a lot of regret about that. It'll be the best thing you ever do.