I went on a weird bobsled down the side of the great wall of china.

I would teach a course... nobody should take any class from me, let's prefix it with that, but if you're forced to take any class from me... I could teach a class on "How to be an awesome, badass chick who knows how to take apart & put together a gun blindfolded, make a four-course meal, and parallel park the shit out of a car." I mean, don't you think? That would be my course.

I wipe what you would call front to back I think but the thing that makes me (and apparently 40 percent of people polled) a monster is that I wipe STANDING UP, that's how I learned to wipe as a kid and I never got a "okay, now that you know how to wipe your ass, it's time to do it sitting down" lesson. I just got the "here, this is toilet paper, get the poop off your butt" orientation and now it seems that it's baked into my neurology because I tried doing it the sit-down way and I could sense that it works a little better technically but my brain just kept screaming WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, WHY ARE YOU REACHING INTO A TOILET WHILE YOU'RE STILL ON IT

I had very strong opinions about Andy's wardrobe! I felt it needed to be a combination of Northeastern, yacht-club preppy and Southern District Attorney showing up for the Kentucky Derby. I loved Michael Scott's description in one episode where he said Andy "dresses like an Easter egg."

You know, when I was growing up and my family would take us out and we went to hotels, I just immediately loved it. I don’t know if it really stems from that or it stems from the simplicity of hotel rooms versus the disarray my home is in. Staying in hotels is so easy. It’s just about when you walk in, everything is in a bag and everything you own is right there and it’s simple. But I’ve been in so many hotels now that my mind is starting to play tricks on me, and I’m starting to get freaked out my bedspreads and shit now, too. It used to be that I could live in a Motel 6 for a month, but now I have to be in a certain style or a certain level of hotel to feel comfortable, so that’s sad. I m...[Read more]

An accordion. It sits in my living room untouched. One day I will play it.

My personal opinion (speaking for myself, not the character of Ryan): You will never be too warm or too cold in a long-sleeve tee. In my opinion it is the perfect item of clothing. Further backstory: this line drove writer/producer Michael Schur crazy because executive producer Greg Daniels refused to clarify whether it was meant to be sarcastic or not. It was a vehemently debated line among the Office writing staff, for some reason.

Sometimes i would on the internet talk about sports, and then someone would say "oh i'm not watching, i'm not near a TV" because people have jobs and commitments and so forth, so that's where I come in. I give them their sports, while they go through their earthly contacts. You know, the day to day life.