The question I was responding to, "Bob are you going to call Saul?" was deleted. But here's my answer. What? What does that mean? The character of Saul Goodman is made-up. You can't call that character. He doesn't exist. I can't call him either. He was created by Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould as part of the story of "Breaking Bad", a show that played on AMC networks in America and has since had great success as a DVD series and on the streaming service of Netflix. A wonderful show. But none of it actually happened, and none of the characters exists in actuality. Calling any of them would be a ridiculous time-waster and neither you, nor I, must waste precious time doing so. I have written a ...[Read more]

...About ten years ago when the bankers tanked the economy I was living here in L.A., and I started thinking, What if the whole economy collapsed and this city went crazy. How would I get out of here? You can’t get out of this city even when it works. Up and out was the only way. So I learned how to fly a helicopter. Now of course I know how to fly one, but I don’t own one. But you took the first step.
I did. I took a major step. But the funny thing is when you watch those zombie movies and they start a helicopter up and they fly away — that’s not how a helicopter works. At least the ones I fly. There’s a whole process of starting the fucking thing up. Those zombies are going to be eating y...[Read more]

It's more fascinated than scared. He says things that even Buddha goes "...what did that mean?"

I can but I won't man. I'm too high and I got people to make laugh over here. Do it yourself or consider a rock garden. It's cheaper and easier on our mother earth, who is in a fight with our father earth right now. Something about hiding the eggs in places that are too easy to find.

i love portland. i love anywhere where people are allowed to dress like they're in a traveling circus, but really are just baristas.

Q: What is the best way that you used humor to defuse a potentially dangerous situation? A: Haha, not sure what you mean here bud? Do you imagine a scenario where I'm in a dangerous situation with friends getting mugged and I'm like "Guys, I got this" and start doing bits and the robbers start laughing and let us go? That would be kinda cool, but hasn't happened so far.

I saw Louie CK naked.

Sex is so much fun for dudes. Cause we got a money shot. You don't understand what it's like to see-- we both have orgasms, but we men have a receipt. You be like, I am satisfied, because that's what it is-- look at it! You don't think you'd be happier, ladies, if you could just shoot a couple of eggs in a guy's face? Right on top of his forehead. You wouldn't be happier? And he's just sitting there? And you go, "Aw, that felt good. Go in the bathroom and wash your face." Call your friends on the phone, "I just egged on top of his head." (as man) "Don't tell your friends our business!" (as woman) "Shut up, she already knows I egg on top of your head."

Only Tom Tucker. Only Tom.

oof, that's hard. i would say re-enacting the basement scene from pulp fiction. playing all the characters by myself.

calmly. i dont like fierce sex. it aint summerslam its pussy.

Question: I worked as a PA at a show of yours in Toronto. You were doing two shows that night and during the break a girl came to the stage door and when you came out she said (in front of half a dozen other fans, and myself who was holding the door for you) that she lived nearby and wanted to have sex with you before the next show started. You laughed and said thank you, and when you came back inside you told me this never happens. That was a few years ago. Does it happen a lot now? Answer: haha. i remember that. are you female? Because the funny thing is I remember there was a young working woman standing there with a walkie on her hip as this kind of desperate (not uncute) young girls i...[Read more]

I think comedians dating other comedians is great. But not if one is a hack and one is good. Or if they have a kid who's a hack.

If you want to do stand up, just do it. Broad City is fun and I'm excited for the second season. Eric Andre is weird and talented and the show is insane and not for everyone . Chozen is one of the easiest jobs that I have in my life. I developed my delivery through trial and error and performing over and over. I will destroy you in NBA 2k14 All is Lost Starring Robert Redford is not a good movie Good comedians to check out Lil B, Don Rickles Michael Che, Jerrod Carmichael, Sean Patton, W. Kamau Bell, Bridget Everett, Nick Vatterott, Jon Laster, Kara Klenk To all of you that didn't have a question and just wanted to say something nice, thank you.

i think we are "on" on the show. it can be exhausting to be like that 100 percent of the time. We usually take it down a notch or two in private.

One, the first time I met him he kept saying he was thinking about quitting comedy and playing baseball, and I thought he was joking. I know that doesn't read too funny, but...Now I'm paranoid like, Brody's looking down at me telling boring stories about him and being like "thanks Todd! hundreds and literally hundreds of stories, and THAt's what you choose to share with people. NOT me at my best."

no, a lot of people think i retired cause of Rogan. Anyone that knows me knows im not influenced very easily. even tho rogan is a super close friend. it was more the perfect storm of evrything. rogan, reebok, Dana, podcast success. just wasnt worth it to fight anymore.

No! I had Bill tied up with a phone cord, so he can't swing a golf club at me anymore, hahaha! He invites me to play golf with him, but he's so good, I don't even see him after the first hole - he's usually WAY at the 9th hole, too far for me to catch up! We're friends. I think he's remarkable - and by the way, I just St. Vincent with Billy in it, and I thought That's an Oscar caliber performance, really great. So it's nice to see his growth, and it's nice not to have to smell his breath.

Because of the episode where we used all of the outtakes, you pretty much got to see all of the stuff that cracked us up. People always talk about Chappelle's Show being quotable. Dave and I will quote it ourselves, but it's more obscure stuff. Like Rick James saying, "People think I do things just to do them. I got a little more sense than that. Yes I remember putting my feet on Eddie's couch." Dave and I will meet for coffee and say shit like, "People think I do things just to do them. I got a little more sense than that. Yes I remember going to get coffee with Neal." It's pretty stupid.