no, but that's what it felt like! really she took me to dinner, got my a glass of wine or two and then told me on the bed, where we had all our serious talks. yikes. this one is sad. BONERS!!! BONERS ON CLOWNS!!

Question: Hi Petey Pants! First, I wanted to say thank you for the amount of joy you bring to my existence. Nothing makes me laugh more than re-listening to you and Bert Kreisher belt out some Celine and Kesha. I actually signed my divorce papers this Friday and watching Crashing last night, well, it put everything into perspective. I just wanted to know how you stayed positive after the big D? Answer: that's a big one. you have to allow yourself to grieve and process that heartbreak. and it may be quick and it may be long. but allow it and love yourself through it. it's normal and you'll be okay. dive in. then, slowly you'll see that every moment is a new opportunity to start again. we ar...[Read more]

Well, we didn't part well. I was sort of ambitious thinking that I could hire someone that had the intelligence to do a job but didn't have necessarily speech or couldn't quite hear or spoke in sign language. She was a bright person and witty but she had never been away from her home before and even though I tried to accommodate more than I understood when I first hired her, she was very young in her emotional self and the emotional component of being away from her home was lacking. I tried my best, but I was working all day. She was lovely and very smart, but there's a lot of frustration when you meet people who can't speak well. Being completely disabled in that area causes a great amount ...[Read more]

Snoop Dogg is one of my main men. You don't have to smoke pot to be in his presence. I love him, he's bright, he's fun, he's a good father, and a good man. Snoop is my man.

I think I only called him once, maybe twice. I called him when I was representing People for the Valdheimers Association. A society devoted to helping raise money to help older Germans who had forgotten everything before 1945. I remember him laughing and going "thank you."

You need to steal things at work. People are going to think I don’t mean them, but I do. This is addressed to you. If there are people you hate at work go into the break room, find their lunch in the refrigerator and put it in the freezer.

Him being such a great friend to me at Juillard, literally feeding me because I don't think I literally had money for food or my student loan hadn't come in yet, and he would share his food with me. And then later after the accident, just seeing him beaming and just, seeing what he meant to so many people.

The Brooklyn botanical gardens - we slow-dance, sipping prosecco under the stars. just kidding. no date, please just come over! I'm already kind of drunk.

Oh man there were so many. I actually had butterflies in my stomach during a lot of those dates. Rachel, who doesn't like wearing socks, was tough to get a read on. But a fascinating person. LA, the lady who was trying to promote her album, was also a delight. Lais, who tried to kiss me.. that was a really intense one for me. It was very surreal how seriously competitive the women were getting. Actually, a fight broke out (verbal, not physical) between two of the women over how much time they were getting with me. We ended up cutting it from the episode because it felt a bit too much like a moment you'd actually see in The Bachelor, but it was a very crazy moment and a very surreal night.

The worst date I've ever been on was with a guy who I was super excited about, really attracted to, and then on the date it became apparent that it WASNT a date. He was just a straight dude who was psyched to have dinner with me in a platonic way. He talked about an actress he really wanted to date and we split the check. Thus is dating in Los Angeles.

Half your age +7. That's the formula I use.

"you seem chill AF. What's your credit card number?" works every time.

During my first year, I had a crush on a brainy, raven-haired boy from my dorm ... he would ask me at least once a day if I had ever seen the movie Full Metal Jacket and I would remind him that I had not ... After several weeks of mistaking this for flirtation, I tried to kiss him one night by the Monroe Hill dorms and he literally ran away. Not figuratively. Literally.

I think comedians dating other comedians is great. But not if one is a hack and one is good. Or if they have a kid who's a hack.

So cool people talking about this kind of stuff and having all the conversations about race, etc. since the show premiered. As far as Rachel (and other love interests too), we didn't set out to cast someone white and auditioned people of all ethnic backgrounds, and wanted to cast the person I seemed to have the best chemistry with to sell this huge relationship arc. In the end, Noel blew us away. And, for the writing, I'm pulling a lot from my own real current relationship, which is with a "white" person - so we can do interesting scenes like the scene in 109 (Mornings) about the parents (which many South East Asians have told me really resonated with them and they'd never seen an interracia...[Read more]

When I took the beautiful lady home and got the shock of my life. It was an elderly gentleman.