In the beginning, you think, I can’t wait to get on television. I’m going to straighten it out. Then people will be saying, “God bless you, Dave Letterman, we have been waiting for somebody to take care of television.” That’s how you feel. And now, I don’t feel that way.

Question: Is hosting your own show your ultimate goal, or do you still want to do more, like hosting SNL or getting involved in movies? Answer: My ultimate goal is to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. And that keeps changing. I didn't want to host my own show until I wrote for someone else's. I don't know what I'll want to do after this show, but I hope The Jeselnik Offensive runs for a long time.

You never "make it." That is a mentality that guarantees you'll never be happy. If you are doing it in any capacity, especially for money no matter how much, you are making it, you have never "made it." Trust me. It's one of the many things I'm right about.

Being an introvert sucks. I get off stage and I’m a wreck again. People always wonder, “Hey, if you’re an introvert, then how can you perform in front of crowds?” But stand-up is perfect for an introvert. I get to prepare what I say to you, it’s all worked out, you listen intently and if you talk, you get thrown out. Then I get paid! What a perfect gig.

Of course, all the time! I have really bad anxiety and I’m an introvert, and as a comic sometimes you can’t find it up there and you lose it for a second. You’re just telling words to an audience but there’s no connection, and that’s when you bomb.

Being an introvert can hurt you in this business sometimes because "networking" (EW GROSS WORD) is definitely a thing unfortunately. I've gotten better at socializing. A lot of comics reached out to me early on and said I seemed standoffish but I was just shy and afraid haha.

I think 90% of comics are introverts. It’s a lot of defense mechanism. Comedy is just preparing funny things, and that’s what we [introverts] have been doing our whole lives, preparing something to say to everyone we have to go meet. That’s all stand-up is, just professionally.

It’s pretty much the fact that I’m kind of a shy person. I’m in the business of comedy, obviously, and it’s not the place to be shy, but I’ve always been shy, and I let myself start to be shy on stage. I kind of ran with that, and it was a bit of a mistake, I think. I started to close in on stage, and it kind of became more comfortable for me to close my eyes and not look at people. First I looked at people and I kept my eyes open; for a long time I did. But then I started to close in and that became more comfortable. Now that’s kind of saaad because now it’s hard to snap out of that. On stage there’s a combination of me being the entertainer and me being a bit shy, so it’s a sad thing beca...[Read more]

I wanted to do an episodic, non-serialized show. There's no real interest in that kind of storytelling on the Netflixes out there - they like continuing stories you can binge-watch. So the network made sense.

Fox behaves like two different companies. There's the entertainment wing, and there's... you know, the other one. They don't really communicate. So they may as well be two different entities.

Netflix gave 8 alt comics the chance to do whatever we want for 30 min, and it really was so wide open. They didn't give many notes during the process and were very cool with us sticking to our guns if we preferred something a specific way. Almost all of the characters in my special are from my podcast or CBB.

If I had to pick out one, it would be the Perot / Gore debates in 1994 which attracted almost 20 million viewers.

When we did Freaks and Geeks I remember sitting around Seth Rogen and Jason Segel, the four of us was just like, THIS IS IT! WE MADE IT! HOLLYWOOD HERER WE COME! Even though that show was so good, when it first came out a not a lot of people watched it, so we kind of had that moment and it kind of was taken away, and then it was given back to us when it played reruns

There was a shop in San Francisco that sold laserdisks - that's how far back it goes - and then later on I found a wonderful bookstore in San Francisco called Green Apple that would sell DVDS of Anime shows.

Who was it that said: If nominated, I will not run, if Elected, I will not serve? Whoever it was, they were an idiot. If nominated, I will run, and if elected, I will serve. But as we know, television is not a democracy but an oligarchy. They don't hire a lot of guys who run around saying oligarchy. Many times a boss will call me and say "I'll have to let you go" and I'll say "Why" and they'll say "Well you sell more than everybody else at the plant, but you've been saying Oligarchy in the break room too much at lunch. In fact the suggestion box is filled with pieces of paper that complain about that." And I'll say "well sir, Oligarchy, holy fuck" and then I know it's time to pack up my duf...[Read more]