Strangest thing a fan has asked you to do

Tattoo his leg. I just tattooed a guy's leg with an actual needle. I put WWSD (what would Sarah do).

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I did the Edinburgh festival years ago. I did a joke about being a germaphobe. After the show a woman approached me and handed me a stack of high-end moist towelettes, the kind that come in scents like Eucalyptus and spearmint, and sell at Whole Foods for $15. I thanked her and made a "joke" about her sending me a case. She sent me 20 bags!
I don't know if this counts as a "fan theory" but there was a guy that totally predicted the Council of Ricks as soon as we started messing around with alternate timelines. They even referenced the Fantastic Four's "Council of Reeds" or whatever it was called, which we hadn't even known about, I don't think, but which we were sort of ripping off. I mean, the guy saw that we were doing alternate timelines and was immediately like "oh, this means they could do a council of ricks if they wanted," and we were pretty stymied by that because it's exactly what we were writing when he posted that. That doesn't happen a lot. But you're more asking about stuff like "I think Rick is actually Goldenfold...
Well, let me answer this by asking a question: when I was on SNL, I played Burt Reynolds on Celebrity Jeopardy. One time, he (being me, playing he) refused to be called "Burt Reynolds" because he had changed his name to "Turd Ferguson." So Alex Trebec had to call him "Turd Ferguson" that became a little cult thing. So one time, i was in a very crowded street, and the street was 5th Avenue, which you know, at lunchtime how crowded it was, and there were hundreds of people watching as a gentleman yelled at me "HEY TURD!" and I said "Thank you! Thank you!" And I always wondered what sort of relationship those people thought me and that fellow had.
A woman in the Dallas airport came up to me and literally said "Be zany." Like she had walked up to Baryshnikov and said "dance." I didn't know how to respond. I just went "thank you! And Lincoln freed everyone."
So many. Someone gave me a framed picture of a half frozen tomato with a hole in it. For reals. From the podcast.
i'm still not really used to it, so I by accident will scream or gasp a lot when people call my name or touch me on the street. yesterday on the way home, a couple touched my shoulder to get my attention to tell me they were fans, and i yelled out "aaah!" and the woman dropped her coffee. i scared the shit out of them.
I had a woman that might have been about 50-60 years old run up and kiss me on the mouth. I was shocked. Her name was Casey.
The best experience with a fan? It happens sometimes where someone will say "I was going through a really hard time. I was going through a really hard time, and I was just morose or depressed." And I met one person who said I couldn't find anything to cheer me up and I was so sad. And I Just watched Caddyshack, and I watched it for about a week and it was the only thing that cheered me up. And it was the only thing that cheered me up and made me laugh and made me think that my life wasn't hopeless. That I had a way to see what was best about life, that there was a whole lot of life that was wonderful. And I happen to know (from her own spirit) that that person has really triumphed as an art...
Q: I saw you walking down the street one time while I had my headphones on, you were walking with someone else and looked busy so I didn't want to disturb you so I just held out my fist as I walked past offering a fist bump, not even removing my headphones. You just casually gave me that fist bump as we passed and I kept going on my way, and everyone around on the street looked really confused and looking at me thinking I was friends with you. And even had someone ask me if I knew you personally at the next crosswalk. It was hilarious and awesome. Thanks for that moment Aziz. Also you're funny as fuck. A: Haha, I love weird interactions like that. Another cool one in NYC - dude in a UPS ...

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Redditor: I have a really shitty factory job, chronic depression, and I just moved back in with my parents because student loan debt has me broke. What you (and Scott, and PFT, and Sean & Hayes) do genuinely improves my life. Thank you! Lauren: I'm so sorry you're going through all of that. It means a lot that we can brighten your day. That's my favorite type of compliment to receive. I really hope the shows can make someone feel better or forget about their problems, so that's very touching.
Sometimes there’s something I really want to convey, and I get a little obsessive about it. So there’s that. It’s not that they’re not listening, but it’s like I’m trying to say this thing to them and they can’t hear me. Like, there were times when I was famous for things that became cumbersome. Half Baked was like that, where I had grown personally, and when I would go onstage, people would scream out shit from that movie. Or like, "I’m Rick James, bitch!" And I’d just be like, "Listen to what I’m saying, listen to what I’m saying." It was frustrating—like I was being victimized by my work. I think it’s a Miles Davis quote where he says you spend the early part of your career trying to chas...
i'm still not really used to it, so I by accident will scream or gasp a lot when people call my name or touch me on the street. yesterday on the way home, a couple touched my shoulder to get my attention to tell me they were fans, and i yelled out "aaah!" and the woman dropped her coffee. i scared the shit out of them.
i think what's weird is that i don't think it's weird! i just did WTF with Maron today (a short talk) and was like I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN YOU KNOW! so i get it. i like that with fans we can cut to the good stuff, the personal stuff and just laugh.
Some people actually sit with me and that sometimes drives me crazy, when I'm at a dinner, but no one seems to realize when I'm in a booth having dinner, and then they just sit down and start talking, and I go "ooh." But I can't even almost get myself to say anything mean, because they all mean well, it's the worst thing, and if they're drunk, drunks are tough to deal with, because they're your #1 fan until you finally ask them to leave. Then not only do they hate you but they want to beat you up. So when they come up and they are tentative, and say "can I get a picture or autograph" and you say "yes," they are reading you, they are getting feedback, and you say "yes," and then they say "Can...
I get it a lot? I get it a lot with sex stuff. I've had like, you know, taking my kids to school and other kids' moms tell me their favorite positions and stuff, just telling me very inappropriate sex things. It can be a little like "Whoaaaa, okay."
People do ask you to tell jokes when you are a comedian. They are either dumb or hostile. Or dumb and hostile. I usually just assume they mean well but are dumb. But when you tell them a joke they don't laugh which is infuriating.
Sometimes when I'm out, like in Las Vegas, this is a funny story that no one is asking, but it reminded me that I have such a sort of reputation that these girls come up and flirt, and they can't believe I don't flirt back, I had twice in one weekend these ladies come up to me and say that they're married but I was their "freebie." And I go "oh, that's so nice" and they're all like "no… but you're my freebie. Like there's no strings." and I'm like "great" and they're like "wait, you don't get it do you" and I say "Yes, I get it. I just don't want it." I think I have a vote in this too! And they're so hurt, mostly angry, they think that I'm going to grab anything in site from watching Grown U...