It was the first sketch I ever did. I got confused with stage direction, and literally did not know what color I was on the cue cards, so I just froze! Hey people, it's live TV, and the experience has made me a better performer. AND took away the fear of being in sketches!
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I said fuck on Saturday Night Live and I thought I'd be fired for it. I wasn't really embarrassed about it but I'm surprised I didn't say it a million times since it's live TV.
It certainly didn’t debunk the myth. He was super charming and nice but he still came across pretty cool and badass and on the wind. We finished and walked off and he shook my hand there on the stage and was like, “Pleasure doing business with you.” And then he was gone, like Keyser Söze. [Laughs.] He left and I was like, “There goes the motherfucking man.”
The first time I heard "Pornstars!" It was the Jonah Hill episode. "One time I thought I banged Seal Team Six... but it was actually just sixteen seals. I was like, 'Thanks, America!'" I remember I made them keep that joke in there!
Well, here's what I did, Victoria. Any sketch I would write, I would call my character "Stan Hooper" and he didn't really do anything, you know? And I would be very careful to name him Stan Hooper, and then have someone in the sketch say "Hey Stan Hooper" and one time I read a list of recurring characters and Stan Hooper was way up there. And of all the characters he had no real qualities of any kind. Just a bland empty vessel of a man.
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The first time we did it, Fred just starting doing that voice ("Whaaaaaat are you doing here?!") and Kristen and I were like "What?" It was so funny. I hadn't heard him do it before. Man o man it made me laugh. Then it became a game of who could stretch out the vowels in their sentences the most. It got crazy.
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer is amazing. Probably my favorite sketch. There's another Jack Handy one called "Deerheads" with Harvey Keitel that's sublime.
Well, here's what I did, Victoria. Any sketch I would write, I would call my character "Stan Hooper" and he didn't really do anything, you know? And I would be very careful to name him Stan Hooper, and then have someone in the sketch say "Hey Stan Hooper" and one time I read a list of recurring characters and Stan Hooper was way up there. And of all the characters he had no real qualities of any kind. Just a bland empty vessel of a man.
I will say that off the top of my head, the two favorite sketches that I was a part of had to have been the Harry Caray space show with Jeff Goldblum and, of course the cowbell sketch with Christopher Walken.
My favorite cast member to work with was Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
The sketch I was the most proud of was probably one called Do You Go Runnin Round Re Ro and it was a take on British Gangster movies and how we Americans can't understand what the actors are saying with those thick Yorkshire accents and all.
99% of the time, David and I agreed on what should go on, and why, and what was good. That's one reason the show was so great. I never just wrote off a sketch and thought "You don't like it, but I do..we'll put it on." However, the sketch about the waiter dropping food in the guy's lap and offering to pay for half the dry-cleaning never really worked and everyone agreed "Date With the Queen" was a huge clusterfuck of incomplete thinking. Those two sketches were real stinkers. Some writers hated "Hunger Strike," which i loved. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTdyMBtuDYI . I'm not sure everyone liked "The Story of Everest." That's a sketch that divides people. It's probably my favorite, though....
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One time a guy threw a donut at me and I just opened my mouth and ate and swallowed the whole thing within one second.
On 3 different occasions I've had women attempt and sometimes succeed at coming on stage to show me their boobs. I know it doesn't sound like the worst thing but one woman had such a big rack that I was seriously scared I was gonna suffocate to death. Good thing she was so wasted that she almost fell of the stage and another audience member was able to catch her and pull her down. In the end when she was kicked out and I realized my life was no longer in Jeopardy it became one of the best shows I've ever had. We'd all been through so much together and were bonded.
I’ve always enjoyed the challenge of getting out of my comfort zone. I think that’s what you should do. I understand the temptation if you’re an alternative comic to just do alternative rooms. Or if you were a club comic to just do club rooms. Or if you’re a white comic just to do white rooms. It’s because bombing is so humiliating that you want to avoid it. But humiliation is where the growth is. This is also like why I enjoy drinking and I don’t like pot. I feel like with drinking you have to earn it. You gotta get those drinks down.
This is a very common problem for most comedians. Lemme ask you this - How bad was your childhood? If it was really bad, chances are you're already comfortable with feeling like a failure. So you're actually ahead of the game!
Stand up is You vs You so tell that scared little bitch to calm down. You aren't fighting in Afghanistan or battling cancer. You're just telling shit jokes to strangers. Good luck and godspeed. Go for it!
It’s a tricky thing [delivering a speech]; no-one wants to come up here and bomb. It’s really, literally the stuff of nightmares. I’ve had that nightmare a lot of times, and I know you want to be entertained, so for me to calculatedly not entertain you in order to be true seems sort of selfish. So I find myself in this push-pull relationship with my opposing desires, which I think is a big part of what characters are and what characters do in real life – people in real life, characters in movies.
I once had half the crowd walk out on me in Seattle when I asked an obese journalist student if she was getting into food criticism.
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Leslie Jones