This business is the beast and it eats everybody and shits them out. But here's what's funny about the beast: it's a neverending line of people who want to get in the mouth and get chewed up and shit out. It's because, when you get in the belly, you get $2 million a week. And when you get shit out, you're a pile back there. And you have the option to wait to get back in line, and wait to go get back in the beast, and get eaten and shit out! And we line up! ... And I didn't even get to the beast yet. 20 years! See, when the beast pick you up, to put you in its mouth, you shinin'. People see you. Sometimes, see what "15 minutes of fame" is? The beast throws somebody down, they-- that was reali...[Read more]

I watched the Bin Laden thing, and you know, there's what's called the "conspiracy nuts" and whatever, and the thing that gets me is that when there is one little question, that makes you go, "What?" That we don't galvanize and say, "No, no, no, you're not allowed to say anything else until we cover this. Give me a straight answer, because flushing Bin Laden down the ocean, like he's cocaine, from The Goodfellas, it doesn't prove anything." You know, somebody like (Sean) Hannity would make me sound like a complete idiot if I went on his show and went, "He flushed him down the fucking ocean!" But, it's just, you go, "There's nothing that makes you go, what?"

By accident. I started making tapes of me interviewing musicians.

Pay To Cum Salad Days Rise Above Brick Wall Holiday In Cambodia

Youth Lagoon, Harry Nilsson, Big Audio Dynamite, Liturgy

Mad magazine, Benny Hill, SNL, my dad, George Carlin, Steve Martin, Martin Lawrence.

Another night to remember: Around three a.m., [30 Rock producer and writer Robert Carlock] and I were leading a rewrite in my living room and realized that we had both fallen asleep while talking. When we woke up a few moments (or hours?) later, the other writers were just sitting politely, awaiting further instruction. That is a dedicated staff.

So my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, ageism, or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way.

I’ve learned a lot over the past 10 years about what it means to be the boss of people. In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way... Contrary to what I believed as a little girl, being the boss almost never involves marching around, chanting, “I am the boss! I am the boss!”

If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)

During my first year, I had a crush on a brainy, raven-haired boy from my dorm ... he would ask me at least once a day if I had ever seen the movie Full Metal Jacket and I would remind him that I had not ... After several weeks of mistaking this for flirtation, I tried to kiss him one night by the Monroe Hill dorms and he literally ran away. Not figuratively. Literally.

The next rule is “make statements” which is a positive way of saying don’t ask questions all the time … if we’re in a scene and I say “who are you?” or “where are we?” or “what’s in that box?”, I am putting all of the pressure on you to come up with the answers … in other words, whatever the problem, be part of the solution … don’t just sit around raising questions and putting up obstacles.

The second rule of improvisation is to not only say “yes” but “yes and” … you’re supposed to agree and then add something of your own … “if I start a scene and say “it’s so hot in here” and you just say “yeah”, we’re kind of at a standstill … to me, “yes and” means don’t be afraid to contribute, it’s your responsibility to contribute … always make sure you are adding something to the discussion … your initiations are worthwhile …

The first rule of improvisation is “agree” always agree and say “yes” … when you are improvising this means you are required to agree with whatever your partner has created … so if we’re improvising and I say “freeze I have a gun” and you say “that’s not a gun, it’s your finger” our improvised scene has ground to a halt … now in real life you are obviously not going to agree with everything everyone always says but the “rule of agreement” gets you to at least start from an open minded place … start with a “yes” and see where that takes you … as an improvisor I always find it jarring in real life when I meet someone who’s first answer is “no” …

Q: What is the best way that you used humor to defuse a potentially dangerous situation? A: Haha, not sure what you mean here bud? Do you imagine a scenario where I'm in a dangerous situation with friends getting mugged and I'm like "Guys, I got this" and start doing bits and the robbers start laughing and let us go? That would be kinda cool, but hasn't happened so far.

I made the decision early on not to take roles who's sole source of humor is ethnic stereotype humor. And I think over the years, that trend of staying away from that is obviously taken off between myself, Mindy Kaling, Danny Pudi, and many others. As an Indian American, I'm proud because I don't ever remember seeing Indians represented on television or film growing up and now we are. Just think 25 years ago, Fischer Stevens PLAYED an Indian guy in Short Circuit 2!

People always ask whether I dreamed of being a comedian, but I grew up in a really small town in South Carolina and you just don't dream that big there. When you're growing up in Bennettsville, your dream is to just get out of Bennettsville.

Q: I saw you walking down the street one time while I had my headphones on, you were walking with someone else and looked busy so I didn't want to disturb you so I just held out my fist as I walked past offering a fist bump, not even removing my headphones. You just casually gave me that fist bump as we passed and I kept going on my way, and everyone around on the street looked really confused and looking at me thinking I was friends with you. And even had someone ask me if I knew you personally at the next crosswalk. It was hilarious and awesome. Thanks for that moment Aziz. Also you're funny as fuck. A: Haha, I love weird interactions like that. Another cool one in NYC - dude in a UPS ...[Read more]

Ben and Tom are having lunch with a drunk Joan Calamezzo who is creepily hitting on Tom and we have this exchange: Joan: I'm going to go to the bathroom and powder my nose... amongst other things. Ben: Dude, is she gonna go powder her vagina? Probably the hardest scene I've ever had to get through without breaking. Adam and I just had to skip doing it for the first few takes. It's on the blooper real I believe. Also, props to Mo Collins, who always brings it as Joan.

That proposal interview is maybe my favorite moment from the special. I did that bit every night of the tour and they were always interesting, but some were definitely more memorable than others. I was definitely worried about getting a good one for the special. I had planned on coming out after the encore and maybe doing more proposal interviews, but wow, that couple was so amazing, I knew we had it. That was the first show I believe, and we filmed two shows that night. Maybe when I do the $5 release in 6 months, I'll add the other proposal story as an extra. I also have all of them recorded from the tour on audio and could release that as a free thing if I ever get some time. One favorite...[Read more]