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That reminded me of when Mike and Omar would take out the trash when they were young boys... Good Epps.
When you see an audience clapping, it makes me feel like we’re animals. “I like that! I hit my hands!” It’s so dumb of us!
This is a true story: One time I said to a guy that I loved learning new things. I was like, “I’m a bit of an infomaniac.” And he thought I said nymphomaniac. So he fucked me. And I said, “No, no, no! I like info! I’m an infomanic!” and he said, “Well here’s some info, you just got fucked. Clean yourself up!”
Coins are so worthless now that it’s gone from “You can keep the change” to “Can you keep the change?”
You know how there’s like candy and mints in bathrooms sometimes? That’s the last place I want by open food is around all this shit!
You know when someone asks you a question, like if I said “Do you know the time” and you go “What? Oh it’s 7.” Why did you say “What?” You then went on to answer the question, so don’t fuckin’ waste my time.
I think there should be a contraption for putting on socks. But wouldn’t that be cool if there were two socks upright in this metal bracket on the ground and you just put your feet into it.
(I call this one “Fun with words”). I’ve said, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again” before, but I’ll say, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again” again.
It’s funny that if air comes out of your butthole, it’s gross. If it comes out of your mouth, it’s funny. And if it comes out of your penis, it’s cool.
I bought a book on how to read. That thing was impossible to get through! (Then Scott explains that they did that exact joke – but better – on his TV show).
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