I like making short films. You can do anything you want in a short film because it doesn’t have the weight of a feature [film] where every moment has to serve the entire film. If you have a weird little idea you can just go out and make a short film about it and people can watch it for a short time and then move on to whatever the next thing is they’re doing in their lives. So I just always encourage people to make short films because it’s the one thing in film that you can always do. There are people laying all over the streets who are great and qualified and talented filmmakers, directors of photography and editors who have nothing to do and they are always eager to jump on a project wit...[Read more]

My recommendation for a book is "Masters of Atlantis" by Charles Portis

When I took the beautiful lady home and got the shock of my life. It was an elderly gentleman.

The most common question I see here on Twitter is if I have any advice on being a comedian. I have never given any but I will. It is said that you must write what you have experienced, that great comedy comes from truth, or from tragedy. All of this is nonsense. I am crushed by the time, gone and irrevocable, that these 300 pages have cost me. But here are a couple of stand-up tips. I am not sure if this can be done by the novice, but if I could go back and do stand-up differently, I would. The big problem, oddly enough, when a comedian performs, are the laughs. Stand-up comedy, as it is customarily produced, is a craft and not an art. Here is the reason. The stand-up comedian must create a ...[Read more]

I loved the Great Gatsby. I can’t believe they did it in 3D. What the fuck? Dahrma bums. these are just random. My Travels with Charlie. Grapes of Wrath. Crime and Punishment. Slaughterhouse 5. All vonugut when i was a youngster. Catcher in the Rye. 9 Stories. SOmething by Thomas Mann I can’t remember. Heart of Darkness. I claudius. The Golden Ass. Hercules my shipmate. Fire from Heaven. Persian boy. The chronicles of narnia when I was a kid and now my daughters. TR biography. lots others.

You’ve said you learned in therapy that your compulsive behavior – eating, sex – is just self-medicating your anxiety. Does having that insight help? Oh, definitely. Once you say that to yourself, “Oh, this is anxiety,” you get to say to yourself, “Why am I anxious?” because when something’s bothering you, you don’t name it, you just start eating something. I’m still going to eat the two Twinkies, but when I start opening the second packet, I say to myself, “What’s going on, buddy?” That will get me to two Twinkies instead of eight.

I started when i was 17. I got a good head start, skill-building wise, but I sometimes think I missed out on a lot of “Life” that I could be drawing from now. Try to go to college and get some knowlege. If you don’t do that, make a deliberate attempt to read a lot and educate yourself, so that you don’t just become a siv for American pop culture. If you spend all your time on stage talking about the cover of People magazine, you won’t go far, you won’t last, and you’ll be bored before you get good. Take advantage of the head start you’re giving yourself by stopping as often as possible to live your life, explore America and grow as a person. When you go to some shit town to do a one-nighte...[Read more]

Get familiar with the BURN of the learning curve and just accept that the only way to get better at anything is to fail over and over and over. I saw this video of this amazing archer and he was shooting arrows through tubes and quarters and making these amazing shots and someone next to him said "Lucky shot!" and he said "The more I practice the luckier I get!"

When I was really a young person I liked Jonathan Winters. He could just make me laugh under any circumstance. And Johnny Carson I thought was very funny. He used to do an afternoon show where he'd make fun of all odd manner of folks. Steve Allen, I thought was wonderful. I still think both of these guys are wonderful. Richard Pryor at the time, I liked him and still like. The best person in a nightclub situation now is Bill Cosby. It's just unbelievable what this man is capable of doing. And he doesn't really tell jokes, per se, but he comes out on a stage and sits down in a chair and this is interesting because the purpose of your appearance here, you have to dominate this group. And to d...[Read more]

Question: Hi Petey Pants! First, I wanted to say thank you for the amount of joy you bring to my existence. Nothing makes me laugh more than re-listening to you and Bert Kreisher belt out some Celine and Kesha. I actually signed my divorce papers this Friday and watching Crashing last night, well, it put everything into perspective. I just wanted to know how you stayed positive after the big D? Answer: that's a big one. you have to allow yourself to grieve and process that heartbreak. and it may be quick and it may be long. but allow it and love yourself through it. it's normal and you'll be okay. dive in. then, slowly you'll see that every moment is a new opportunity to start again. we ar...[Read more]

I can't sit down and write jokes. I just flows in from some maddeningly elusive place. Believe me if i had an alaska in my brain i would drill baby drill and I'd cum right on Sarah's back while I was there.

as far as fans on the street. Well, that got kind of difficult this year because it became frequent. it's tricky because I find myself in the strange and indefensible position of being really uncomfortable due to something I am very grateful for. I appreciate every person that approaches me to say something. So I kind of invested some brain and heart space and time into puzzling out how do I deal with this? I lived some moments that i didn't like how I reacted to someone being nice. I can't expect anyone to know why it can be stressful. You sort of wan tto be lost in your own gaze and haze of your life and not be noticed constantly by folks and treated strangely and then stared at. But you s...[Read more]

I love dogs. I've had two. They both died. I have no pets. My youngest daughter has a fish tank. More fish have died in it than now live in it, kind of like my closet.

It's just not normal to go in front of people and accept an award. What is that??? how does a human do that? It's weird. so the repetition got strange for me. I am very appreciative though It was just the moments themselves that built to be surreal.

[Louis talking to Marc Maron] The first time I saw you was at Catch [A Rising Star] in Boston but like you didn't know me I didn't know you and I didn't like you on stage. The first time I saw you, you were very aggressive and you were in a lot of turmoil. I think you were just coming out of all this sort of Sam Kinison coke business so you exuded a huge amount of insecurity and craziness. [Marc] Undisciplined though, like I didn’t think I was. [Louis] You made me uncomfortable and then I met you and then David Cross, I think, said I'm going to hang out with this guy, do you want to come with me? And he told me it was you and I was like oh that guy. So then we went to the coffee connec...[Read more]

I never knew if the stupider things we did or the more traditional things we did would work….And then, when I look back on it now, of course the answer is, you want to do the weird thing.

I wander through the desert and don't eat for five days. and then, boy do the ideas come.

I don't really think about it. I do my act and tell my stories and the rest just happens. I've done with varying degrees of success and failure and been okay with all of them so I don't worry about how I'm doing i just do what i'm doing.

Don't know. Maria Bamford is great. Tig Notaro. Laura Kightlinger. Kathy Griffin. Sarah Silverman. Jessica Kirson KILLS. Marina franklin can be inspired in moments. she's not a comedian but Mellissa mccarthy is hilarious. I know i'm leaving some out. Going back Joan Rivers. Carol Brunette Phillis Diller Lilly tomlin. Margaret Smith had great jokes. Rosanne had some great stuff. Moms Mabley. I used to open for Paula Poundstone who is a phenomenal performer. Joy Behar, used to work with her in clubs in new york. She was GREAT in the clubs. Um... There's a woman named Laura House who i don't think does standup anymore. Susie Essman. Lots of great women comedians. Lots of shitty ones. More shitt...[Read more]