I shot four shows and did about 90 minutes per show. The special is about 60 minutes long. I just kept compressing and changing it till it felt right. I probably fucked it up.

I try just to clear my mind. Put down the phone. Turn off the tv radio whatever. Just be quiet and don't talk to anyone and just go over the set in my head and see what new thoughts crop up. simply the act of thinking about something gets your mind ready in a big way.

when i see someone else's great work, I feel a burning that is sometimes like jealousy. I wish I had done that. I want to be that good. that's all positive. Jealousy for someone else's success or opportunities: There is no greater waste of time.

no you just have to have the fright and do it anyway. avoiding it is rational and smart. if you have a competing desire then you'll overcome the fear. but the fear aint going anywhere.

mel brooks steve Martin. the unknown comic.

when i did pootie tang i signed a deal that i served at their pleasure and had no creative control. It was worth it because I got to direct a studio movie at a young age and I learned. I don't sign deals like that anymore though.

I have mixed feelings about everything including America which i think is normal and healthy. I tell you what really makes me sick is the phrase "american exceptionalism" the idea that we just start with the premise that we are better and so anything we do that benefits us is okay. I mean there's nothing more insane or inhuman than that. I am a huge fan of people. Most of them. And there are character traits that combine americans that I have enormous affection and love for. and there are things about americaNS and America that I don't like. I don't think it's a healthy attitude toward any group place or person to just love unconditionally to the exclusion of others without examining and try...[Read more]

Hannibal Buress. Zach Galifanakiciksiswiwiwiww88899is [sic]

My kids know everything about what I do and about jokes and what jokes are and what comedy is. All we do is laugh and joke when I'm not raising them or feeding them or cleaning up after them or enjoying their company.

If you want 100 percent of people to like your material you really have mental problems. If you have to like 100 percent of everything you see, you really have mental problems.

I try to rotate the menu so they don't get sick of stuff. I used to make rice and beans a lot and that's getting old now. I love making sautéed brussel sprouts but only one of my kids likes it. I love baking chickens. We do that a lot. lots of lemon garlic and olive oil, salt, paprika, pepper. Just tons of all that and cook that fucker at 450 for an hour then turn it down.

nope. I like joking about everything. This will sound too lofty because it is. This is going to an extreme to make a point: Saying a subject is too awful or painful to joke about is like saying a disease is too awful to be treated. Please do not take that out of context, the context being that I realize this is a crazy statement and I'm going to an extreme to make a point.

total disaster. I bombed HARD for 2 minutes.

Why does Pinochio lie? Because he's a fucking liar.

I was doing a few new jokes in the last few shows I did on this tour. i probably won't go on stage again for a while but when I do it'll be shorter sets with new, bad stuff.

I wanted to be a lawyer and argue cases of civil rights before the supreme court. Or a car mechanic. I would have sucked at both.

I basically started performing for my mother, going, ‘Love me!’ What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

I think what's unique about stand up comedy is the overall commitment that you have to make to it, meaning you can't not do it for 6 months and then pick it up and expect to pick up where you left off. It's an ongoing preparation. That being said, the longer you do standup comedy, I believe the better you get at it. Obviously, stand up comedy is point of view driven, and having done it for 25 years I believe that I'm getting better at it. Also, finding newer ways to articulate my point of view.

A lot of people want to get into comedy and talk about it, but you don’t realize the first step to getting into comedy is actually going to do it. You can’t do things that you don’t put actions behind. So sit down, take a piece of paper, write out your thoughts and then go to an amateur night and try them. If it doesn’t go well, see what worked, what didn’t work and go back and try it again. But don’t be a talker, be a doer.

That guy, when I was in my early 20s, he’s not listening to advice…. [There’s] this story I’ve told before: I might have been about 18, and I was playing the Fort Lauderdale Comic Strip, and Rodney Dangerfield shows up. And he bumps everybody. So I go, “Mr. Dangerfield, can you stay and watch my act?” He’s like, “Uh, yeah, sure, kid.” So he does his show [and] I go up after Dangerfield—everybody’s scared to go up. And I fucking killed after Dangerfield, right? Then I came backstage and was like, “Hey, what did you think?” And Rodney was like, “Eh, I don’t know, kid, you talk that language, where are you going to go with that, talking about race stuff?” I was just shattered! Rodney had just s...[Read more]