I farted when I was born and everyone lost it. The real moment would probably be my first play. I was in 5th grade and those laughs felt so goooood, baby.

I did play a keyboard once but basically used sound effect buttons on it. I quit every instrument I ever played: violin (age 4), piano (age 7), and clarinet (age 12-14). I hate practicing but I do wish I could play piano or guitar. Maybe I'll try someday, or not!

Just whatever it was in my head, it was bleak. I don't remember having any ambitions, any goals, any dreams. It was always, how am I going to get by? What am I going to do? But I didn't really - to be honest, I didn't really give it much thought. Even in college, I didn't give it much thought. I was having fun in college. And basically when people asked me what I was going to do, I just said, oh, something will turn up. What that was, I had no idea. But...

HOOK AND THE LIZZIE MCGUIRE MOVIE

bill cosby george carlin steve martin. The rest is a long answer. they made me want to be a comedian.

When I was in first grade on the last day of school, Mrs. Stafford, our teacher, said, "I want to give out a special present today, to a kid in the class who has tried so hard to improve his handwriting." And she's going through this whole speech about this kid; I'm staring at this kid that I knew that she liked, and I just hated him, and I was getting more and more angry. And then at the end, she said it was me! The present was a Dr. Seuss book, The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins, that I have since thrown out. But I remember it was in purple cellophane wrapping, and I still consider it the greatest honor to have received that gift. So, that was my favorite book.

Q: You once recalled a story about when you were a very shy and very young boy and had to take your dad's friend (who was blind) to a store. The blind friend requested that you describe the world around him, what the grass was like, the street lights, etc. The friend was happy and loved that you were describing such things to him. You said for the first time this made you look outward at the world, not inward, and that you fell into a kind of hysteria, laughing uncontrollably. Another time you were talking to a homeless guy who was saying he knew John D. Rockefeller, was at John D. Rockefeller's funeral and all this insane stuff and again you fell deep into laughter. I had a similar experie...[Read more]

I grew up in Brooklyn in a - it was in Sheepshead Bay. I lived right under the Belt Parkway. And there were four buildings, which was my little universe. My friends - my five, six, seven, eight friends - we all lived in this building. And it was a very happy childhood as far as I remember. We played sports all the time, walked to school, came home from school, played ball in the winter. We'd play basketball in freezing temperatures and every possible - we would invent games. And not too many girls in my life, I must say, though.

Up the Creek Xanadu Better Off Dead Revenge of the Nerds

Ooof, still figuring the mom stuff out! The weird part is, when you grow up with something odd you just think everyone else has it the same way. Around 12 or 13 I realized something was wrong and spent less and less time at home. By the time I was 30 I got my ass into therapy and really figured it out. And yes, separating from her was a huge help. I recommend everyone get their ass into therapy if they feel something is off. It saved my life.

junior seau, ryan sandberg, and dan Marino. random as fuck i know

The Twilight Zone, All In The Family, Star Trek of course, The Larry Sanders Show was always a favorite

good idea to grow your hair longer

Ever hurt myself? When I was younger, like 13, 14, I was always skateboarding, and I would get hurt all the time. I had a ramp in my backyard that I would fall down from a lot. And a skatepark opened near us, and one night my brother took us, bought us 2 hours of skating, I went to the big pool and tried to learn aerials, and I got hung up and fell backwards, and broke both wrists, and every told me to get out of the pool so they could skate. Then the skatepark owner made my brother take me to the hospital to get X-rayed, and he was so mad, he screamed at me the whole way, because he couldn't skate his 2 hours. So my stepdad was a doctor, and he saw on the X-rays that both my wrists were cra...[Read more]

I loved Diner, Fast Times, Richard Pryor Live in Concert, Being There, Monty Python movies, The Jerk, all the SNL spin off movies and of course Harold and Maude. Say Anything. Beverly Hills Cop.

Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy.

I collect booze in my stomach some nights? But when I was a kid, I was into coin collecting, rock collecting, and chess. I also played bridge, and whist, I think is the name. It's a weird game.

The PROBLEM CHILD cartoon series looks like complete shit and I love it

mel brooks steve Martin. the unknown comic.

We acted together in the Senior Show our senior year. He was incredibly talented and the show was a lot of fun, but no, it never occurred to me that anyone would do anything together after high school. Who ever imagines that? I sometimes think that if I were to wake up and it turned out The Office was all a dream, the fact that John Krasinski was in it with me would be what I'd realize afterward should have been the obvious tip-off. "Oh! And John Krasinski was in it, too! But they called him Jim! And there was a beet farmer... Whoa, so weird"