I think that an e-mail should be called an e-letter. You say, “I just got an e-mail”, but you wouldn’t say “I just got a mail.” You’d sound stupid.
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I bought a backpack at a store yesterday and the woman at the register asked if I wanted a bag for it. I said “Lady, that’s what it is!”
This is topical about Earwolf. Jeff from Earwolf just had a baby, and they named the baby “Arden.” Do you think before that happened they said, “Let’s name her Arden in here!”
I treated myself to a marathon jerk sesh last night. Not what it sounds like: I watched “The Jerk” twice while masturbating.
Toothpicks are bullshit. They don’t work. If you have something in your teeth, they won’t get it out. They’re thicker than every tooth gap.
I’m actually pretty sad. My therapist died a couple days ago and I have no one to talk to about it. When I get really sad like this, I find solace in just thinking that my wife probably won’t be born for another 30 years.
I just found out that McDonalds tortures their chickens; they boil them alive and slit their throats or something, and all sorts of crazy shit. But when I found this out I couldn’t believe it: that they use chicken in chicken nuggets, because I’ve never seen part of a chicken that is shaped naturally like a boot or an oval.
I think there should be a contraption for putting on socks. But wouldn’t that be cool if there were two socks upright in this metal bracket on the ground and you just put your feet into it.
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Related posts tagged 'Phone corner'
That reminded me of when Mike and Omar would take out the trash when they were young boys... Good Epps.
If there’s three people sitting in the back seat of a car or something… Say I’m in the middle, and Huell and Michael are on either side of me, and people go: “Hey that’s a Huell and Michael sandwich!” But no, cause you don’t identify a sandwich by its bread. You don’t say it’s a white-bread sandwich.
This is a character that’s only read the word “thermometer” but has never said it out loud: “Hey, what temperature does it say on that thermo-meter?”
If you’re looking for a book in the self-help section, and you can’t find it, do you ask? (That joke’s called “Shelf-help”).
When someone talks about like, “I just met this girl and she was down for whatever.” That just means like ass fucking. That’s the only other thing!
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