Chris Farley as Matt Foley, inspirational speaker.

My teens and twenties were really challenging. TV and film wasnt like it is now, where you could turn on the TV and there's a reasonable expectation that you could see people that bore resemblance to me. So I had to dream in a vacuum. I was never, ever, ever skinny, and therefore never considered "pretty", even though I loved clothes and makeup and dressing up. That was really hard in middle school and high school. I was always comforted by this strange little fire inside of me that when I got older things would not be like that. Some comfort, huh? It should be noted that I was a very focused, odd kid. I hope this was helpful! And I hope you get everything you want.

Emma Thompson. Writer performers, in general.

This line, probably my most quoted lines ever, is 100% Paul Lieberstein.

The Christmas episode where Michael asked Kevin to sit on his lap, and Steve had to pretend to be crushed under his weight. I think I'm laughing on camera.

The worst date I've ever been on was with a guy who I was super excited about, really attracted to, and then on the date it became apparent that it WASNT a date. He was just a straight dude who was psyched to have dinner with me in a platonic way. He talked about an actress he really wanted to date and we split the check. Thus is dating in Los Angeles.

I don't know about you [David Letterman], but I find any little thing I do, if it doesn't go well, I just carry that bomb juice on me for days. I had to do something the other night at a charity thing, and I was promised I didn't have to write any jokes, and every year I forget that when I introduce the band, it takes them two-and-a-half minutes to bring the banjos out and stuff. And so it was like, "I'm here. I have nothing." And I'm dying. And I don't even have the wherewithal to improvise anymore. I just stood there. And then for three days, I was in a bad mood because I bombed.

I definitely think of myself as not a super-cool music person. I'm not a person who knows the latest and newest by any means. So if I have my radio on — it's so old. My Pandora radio will have an Elvis Costello channel and a Loretta Lynn channel. And all the show tunes. That's kind of where I max out. I'm not the coolest. That's the big perk I miss about not being at SNL anymore — hearing the house band every week and the guest every week. Because that would be my only exposure to new music, and just what you want: Give me your top two songs.

Not necessarily like, "What's the blow for the end of Act 2?" But big-picture things of how should I live my life, how to handle this person, jobs to take or not take, ways of managing people.

I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they ‘want to do’ and start asking them what they don’t want to do. Instead of asking students to ‘declare their major’ we should ask students to ‘list what they will do anything to avoid.’ It just makes a lot more sense.

Going from crying to laughing that fast and hard happens maybe five times in your life and that extreme right turn is the reason why we are alive, and I believe it extends our life by many years.

Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier

I was encouraged by so many people (and continue to be encouraged by so many people). In the beginning of my career, there was a woman named Charna Halpern, she ran the I.O. Theater in Chicago, and was one of my first, you know, patrons and teachers. And I studied with her and Del Close, and learned how to improvise, and then I basically was supported by and encouraged by all the great and talented people I got to improvise with.

Exercise your right to vote! Whatever you feel drunk, stop, because 18 year olds have a hard time figuring out how much they can drink. Be with a good friend who can make sure you get home safe, and try one new thing on your birthday every year.

They were all fun for different reasons. Sometimes when writing the history of UCB or the times at SNL were fun, because they reminded me of all those stories, and I would start laughing thinking of all the ridiculous people I surrounded myself with. I was just texting with Fred Armisen, and telling him that i wrote nice things about him int he book, and he was very touched, and then I reminded him that his lawyers made me do it, and I said "His lawyers will sue you if you don't write nice things about him in your book."

The Jerk

I wasn't the class clown. I was a student who liked school and did a lot of activities, and I kind of floated around. I wasn't very shy, but I didn't really think I would be a performer, and didn't know anyone who was an actor or writer. I was a very kind of typical kid who liked to work hard and have a good time. But I don't think you would've necessarily pointed to me and said "Darn right."

"Pay attention to what people do, not what they say."

Well, growing up, I loved "All in the Family" and I loved "CHEERS." I also loved "The Wire" and "Law & Order." There are SO many good current television shows happening too! I love "Broad City"! And I could watch "Judge Judy" every day, all day and all night, don't stop won't stop.

Drugs can be bad. But some people can do them and be fine. If you don't know what kind of person you are, I'd really stay away from them. I'll never do coke cause I know I'll love it and probably die. Something that makes you stay up and love everything? Cmon son... I really even shouldn't be drinking...but...here we are. I live in Cali. Marijuana is like toothpaste there.