It’s what you call evergreen topical. ’Cause most people don’t know anything. I learned on The Tonight Show, once you get past secretary of state, nobody has any idea who you’re talking about. They just don’t know anything. So you have to talk about, How ’bout the ECONOMY? And CONGRESS?

You want to have a joke every six to nine seconds. I’m not one of those people who thinks ‘it was better in my day’ or any of that horse shit. When I go on The Tonight Show now, I don’t even sit down and talk. I just go out there, I do stand-up, and then I leave. Here’s Jay Leno. Here’s a bunch of jokes. Thank you and good night. I’ve never been narcissistic enough to think that people want to see me. I always feel like they want to see the product I produce.

I always hate seeing performers going out and saying things like ‘I would like to talk seriously about the current political situation.’ Fuck that. I came here for the jokes, and that’s hopefully why people come to see me, as well.

The secret to a long marriage is realizing there’s nothing really worth fighting about.

I always tell people that you should marry the person you wish you could have been. That’s a pretty good goal.

Well there will people who think I'm funny, but there will be people who say, "I was on meds and you helped me," or "I understand what you're going through with your sister." We broke that wall down so we could explore the process. So I love e-mails from people who have the same problems I've had, from having a manic episode to having family and friends come down on them. All that stuff. That makes me feel good and makes me feel like the show is worthwhile. And I want it to be funny.

I was slightly observational at first, going back to my early, early open mics. I was just writing any joke, because I wanted to be a real comedian. But my personality was always there and some of my material naturally became about me — about looking Jewish or hairy or whatever — and people liked that. Your voice and your persona will come out of that, the more you're comfortable with it. So when I tried to fit myself into a Seinfeld mold and I didn't get the laughs, that brought me out. And then comedians said, "Keep doing that." And then it was all about honing it and writing jokes for it. But if you ask me, honestly, I wish I could just go up and do jokes. Boom boom boom bing bing and I'm...[Read more]

It's fking tough. It's not easy. I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm a live energy guy, so I don't personally get off making an audience feel uncomfortable. I'm okay with people sitting back with their arms crossed not knowing what I'm doing, but I want all the fans to like me. So I don't like making people uncomfortable, but I know that sometimes it's good. You'll hear about a film at Cannes, "It was uncomfortable to watch, but it was beautiful. There was great acting." So if I have those elements where the audience feels on edge, I'll take that. It's compelling TV. I don't want it to be that for thirty straight minutes, but just some real, awkward, not-so-glossy moments? I'm into that.

Not at all [in the US]. I think the television has made the United States into one big town. I’ve noticed it’s different in different countries, though. Like, Canada laughs a little bit more. I don’t know why. I’ve done specials in Canada for that reason. And England, they love the surrealism. They had Monty Python, of course, so they have that sensibility.

I’m really used to being onstage now. Next year will be 40 years. But being onstage, it’s not normal. It’s not a normal place. Because everyone is watching you, it’s all heightened. Everything that goes good goes great and everything that goes wrong goes horrible. So that has changed over the years. I’m not as nervous. But I still feel the tension of it.

I just got lucky. This is how I talk, this is how I think, this is what I look like onstage. And it’s still like that for me: I gotta write stuff and then I gotta go onstage and I gotta say it.

I’ve learned that if I foul it up, if I pause wrong or stumble over a word, the joke doesn’t go as good, and sometimes it doesn’t even go at all. It’s so much about timing. If there’s a three-second gap and I don’t say the next joke, I can lose the whole thing. It really is a lesson I realized early on: You better know what you’re gonna say and say it the right way. Even if I wasn’t doing one-liners, even if it more traditional, telling stories, I’d still have to say it in the exact right way. It’s just how my brain works. I’m lucky all of this just meshed, you know? I didn’t decide to talk like this or sound like this. The surreal jokes and the voice just worked together. It was all by acci...[Read more]

Someone I like to hang out with, someone who's funny and different from what I do.

I listen to music, I play guitar, I exercise, spend time with my girlfriend, go look at art, watch movies. You know, regular stuff.

In my heart, I didn't see anything else that I really wanted to do as much as comedy. So I gave myself no choice.

I liked how he said "Being late" when I asked him what he does that drives Michelle crazy.

Read Sam Lipsyte's The Ask.

Peter Green, Jimmie Vaughan, Hendrix, Buddy Guy, Keith. Angus Young.

I'd like to think I'd be a sous-chef on the way to becoming a chef, but I'd probably be working at a record store.

"If you're ever yelling at a woman, all you should be saying is, 'Why can't you be my mommy? Why are you NOT my mommy?'" Rarely gets a laugh.