I bought a book on how to read. That thing was impossible to get through! (Then Scott explains that they did that exact joke – but better – on his TV show).
Related posts tagged 'Foam corner'
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Related posts tagged 'Foam corner'
I like a vagina to be nice and bald. Nothing makes my penis harder than when a girl’s vagina looks like a baby’s butt.
It sucks knowing my kids will never know what it’s like to go to a Blockbuster. Cause I’m not letting ‘em go there. The prices are outrageous!
I’ve decided that how much it would cost for me to only eat Vienna sausages in those little cans at 7-11 for two weeks straight, that’s all I eat, is $60,000 tax free. I just thought about that and I think that’s the amount it would take.
Related posts tagged 'Phone corner'
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Related posts tagged 'Phone corner'
I was out of dish detergent, so I tried to use dish soap, which was a disaster. And then I ran out of ranch dressing, so I used dish soap. Disaster. And then because I was using so much dish soap, I ran out, so I tried to clean dishes with peanut butter. Success!
When someone talks about like, “I just met this girl and she was down for whatever.” That just means like ass fucking. That’s the only other thing!
Does anyone genuinely know why at grocery stores they offer a cash back option? Is that just to be nice? That’s like the bank offering you zucchinis!
I think that Freud just really wanted to fuck his mom and then was like “Hey guys, isn’t it crazy that we all wanna do that?” And then his friends were probably like “I don’t!” And he’s like “Yeah you do, I’m fuckin’ Freud”.
You know when someone asks you a question, like if I said “Do you know the time” and you go “What? Oh it’s 7.” Why did you say “What?” You then went on to answer the question, so don’t fuckin’ waste my time.
I just found out that McDonalds tortures their chickens; they boil them alive and slit their throats or something, and all sorts of crazy shit. But when I found this out I couldn’t believe it: that they use chicken in chicken nuggets, because I’ve never seen part of a chicken that is shaped naturally like a boot or an oval.
It sucks knowing my kids will never know what it’s like to go to a Blockbuster. Cause I’m not letting ‘em go there. The prices are outrageous!
So I was thinking about how a lot of people feel shame while they masturbate. Actually, I feel like if God didn’t want us to “j that shit off,” he wouldn’t have given us small sandwich baggies filled with warm grape jelly and rubber bands.
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