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Posts - Page 45
getting paid does NOT make you any better at standup, trust me. i wish it did. it's all about getting as much stage time as possible. it took me 2 years - my first gig, i got paid $20 and i drove 8 hours to do it. worth it.
advice: get onstage, however possible. there are no shortcuts. you need to put in the time.
i love portland. i love anywhere where people are allowed to dress like they're in a traveling circus, but really are just baristas.
i liked asking the Jesus Camp Counselor if he thought i was going to hell. He said no, but his eyes said "yes."
i'm going to go penguin. I'm going to go with the penguins that stick awkwardly to themselves and stare off into space. so socially awkward penguins.
oof, that's hard. i would say re-enacting the basement scene from pulp fiction. playing all the characters by myself.
The Brooklyn botanical gardens - we slow-dance, sipping prosecco under the stars.
just kidding. no date, please just come over! I'm already kind of drunk.
I had a great time on that show. That was a really fun time in my life. I left Saturday Night Live, and was happy after about 2 years of that show, I realized we were going to stick around, and it was happy to have the monkey off your back, when you leave SNL it doesn't mean you're not going to do anything else in your life in show business. So to leave it, and then get something else that kind of clicked, and I could make money at, and was really fun to do, was great. So if I didn't have Just Shoot Me, I wouldn't have had a lot of stuff. I would have never gotten a cover of Rolling Stone, I never would have gotten the house I had, and I got to work with fun people and do a show that I was p...
Well, I have to say, I think about him all the time. We had such a good time for so long, and we were crammed together for so long, that we did have our squabbles, but I think people misunderstood me not going to that funeral, it was nothing about that it was just too… emotional, and I wouldn't be able to handle it. But I still hear songs, of all things, I know it sounds stupid, but there are songs that I hear, and they remind me of him. And just different situations. And I see his brother Kevin a lot, and he reminds me of him, and makes me laugh, because the whole family has the same mannerisms in some ways. But overall, just good thoughts. And when I see other celebrities, they always have...
Ever hurt myself? When I was younger, like 13, 14, I was always skateboarding, and I would get hurt all the time. I had a ramp in my backyard that I would fall down from a lot. And a skatepark opened near us, and one night my brother took us, bought us 2 hours of skating, I went to the big pool and tried to learn aerials, and I got hung up and fell backwards, and broke both wrists, and every told me to get out of the pool so they could skate. Then the skatepark owner made my brother take me to the hospital to get X-rayed, and he was so mad, he screamed at me the whole way, because he couldn't skate his 2 hours. So my stepdad was a doctor, and he saw on the X-rays that both my wrists were cra...
When you do a movie, and you use a song, or a band, or an image on a t-shirt of a band, there's a quiet clause stating that you can't say anything negative about them. And it's sort of just understood if they're selling you a song, or letting you use a t-shirt, you're going to be respectful. So that line was not in the script, but I asked Kid Rock to yell it to me when I ran off, so I could make an extra whimper, like that was a real dagger. And so when we did it, we couldn't put it in the movie yet until I talked to Def Leppard's manager to make sure that was okay. So I called someone, cuz we originally couldn't put it in, and said "hey, is there any way we can do this" and i had to explain...
Christopher Walken was great, and he always had funny things to say. He worked on a movie called MOUSE TRAP and explained how it's different working with an actor dog than an actor mouse. It was one of the best conversations I've ever been involved with.
Sometimes when I'm out, like in Las Vegas, this is a funny story that no one is asking, but it reminded me that I have such a sort of reputation that these girls come up and flirt, and they can't believe I don't flirt back, I had twice in one weekend these ladies come up to me and say that they're married but I was their "freebie." And I go "oh, that's so nice" and they're all like "no… but you're my freebie. Like there's no strings." and I'm like "great" and they're like "wait, you don't get it do you" and I say "Yes, I get it. I just don't want it." I think I have a vote in this too! And they're so hurt, mostly angry, they think that I'm going to grab anything in site from watching Grown U...
Chris was always doing that bit to me at work. We shared an office, and you had to walk through our office to get to Chris Rock & Adam Sandler's office, so these 2 microscopic offices were back to back, and Chris' desk was behind mine, and he didn't really know how to write, or read, really (kidding!) but he would come in bored, because I would have to write my sketches to try to get on but they would always let him on, so he would get behind me and be bored, everyone would write him sketches, and he would say "Davey… turn around" and I said "if this is Fat Guy in a Little Coat I'm not turning around, it's not funny anymore." And he would say "no, i've got a whole new thing I'm doing."
And ...
The Joe Dirt wig was itchy. And one time, I walked away from the set at a TV studio when we were doing some Dennis Miller stuff, and I got lost, and I had my janitor's uniform on, and the security guard wouldn't let me back into where I was supposed to go, and I didn't have a cell phone, so I had to sit there for 15 minutes until some PA came to look for me, and I had to explain to them that I was dressed as a janitor with a wig on, and that was an actual story, that sounds fake but it was funny to me. Long story short: I loved the wig, I thought it was hilarious, it was hard to wear all summer but it cracks me up. I think it's in some vault somewhere in the Smithsonian right now, surrounded...
Life advice? Oh boy.
I don't know, it's a tie between "Keep on keepin' on" and "Life's a garden, dig it."
But I don't have any great secrets other than I think I have to believe it all happens for a reason, because whatever happens, even if it's hard to get through, it ultimately seems to work out. Sorry if that's too heavy for everybody.
We are all very, very good friends. And have the best time on those movies. It's very genuine and we all crack each other up.
Some people actually sit with me and that sometimes drives me crazy, when I'm at a dinner, but no one seems to realize when I'm in a booth having dinner, and then they just sit down and start talking, and I go "ooh." But I can't even almost get myself to say anything mean, because they all mean well, it's the worst thing, and if they're drunk, drunks are tough to deal with, because they're your #1 fan until you finally ask them to leave. Then not only do they hate you but they want to beat you up. So when they come up and they are tentative, and say "can I get a picture or autograph" and you say "yes," they are reading you, they are getting feedback, and you say "yes," and then they say "Can...
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